Nearly New News From the Weird Wide World

01- Biologists Has Discovered a Colony of Gnomes in Florida
In Sunshine, Florida, scientists has recently discovered a colony of garden gnomes living in their own little corner of the world inside a four-story building surrounded by a tall gate which no humans could enter. They called their society GDG - Gnomes Do Good. After an extensive negotiation through the mail plus the offer of free supplies of sweets, our reporter and her assistant were granted an exclusive and brief entrance.
    Gnomes are known to ensure a bountiful harvest, good luck or keep evil spirits away but humans these days aren't as good at believing such things considering most garden gnomes are made of glass, porcelain or plastic. Statics had shown many garden gnomes had lost their homes or had been thrown away carelessly like trash. This has contributed to the disappearance of garden gnomes for the last ten years according to biologists at the Royally Lazy University. They believed it was the reason the gnomes decided to form their own colony. We asked the GDG whether this was true via a note slipped under their front door. We had to wait for an answer as gnomes are known to move extremely slow and no human eye could catch their movements. After 71 hours, someone threw a note from a window from the second story of the GDG building. The note, scribbled in red color pencil, said: "Bugger off!"
    When we pressed for more, another note fell from the same window a few hours later. This one is typed and signed by Gordon Lighttalker, GDG's publicist. It said: "The gnomes have passed on a message: We wish to be left alone in peace. And would you please get your fat asses off our lawn now? Thank you very much." Just as we prepared to leave, another note fell down. This one had a special message: "To those gnomes who have been wandering lost and alone, there is a place for you. Come and we will gladly welcome you." It was signed The GDG. We wish the GDG peace and prosperity. And please take good care of your gnomes.

02 - A Cure For People Who Make Bad Decisions
Steven Hop at Maybe Berry, had created a device for those who kept making bad decisions. This device called the iSob could be wore on your wrist or if preferred, hung on a chain around your neck. The iSob allows a user to receive a scolding from an aunt, mother, father or a figure that the user is afraid of or in some cases, respected, just by saying a word or phrase of their choice to the device. iSob uses the latest voice recognition technology along with a certain top secret component that Hop refused to elaborate on but the device is recyclable and safe for the environment. The downside to using the iSob is that it may cause sobbing, cursing, loud and meaningless shoutings and a tendency to apology. These are all stated as gentle warnings.
    Hop was inspired to create the device from one of his friends who kept making bad decisions but didn't know it. It took seven years and an exhausted testing phase before Hop deemed the device as ready for the public. When asked if he care about earning millions and millions of dollars from the sales of the device, Hop simply stated, "I wished for everyone to live a conscientious life and never let their mistakes be unremarked by some scolding."
    Sales of the iSob will be available this December. Half of the proceeds will go the EUC (Educated Us Charity) where underprivileged children will get a free education and maybe a puppy.
 
03 - Man Arrested for Redecorating the King's Throne Room
In Friendly, England, a group featuring interior designers who called themselves The Tasteful Shakers, snuck in the palace on Wednesday late evening and redecorated the throne room into a bowling lounge. The group was arrested Thursday morning. They have foolishly left their fingerprints on every surface of the room.
    In exchange for their release, The Tasteful Shakers' leader, Kooky Moran, confessed it was his idea and his friends should not suffer for his own misjudgment. In the past, The Tasteful Shakers had redecorated several rooms in many palaces including one in Portugal, Russia, France, Italy and Sweden. None of those people pressed charges and most of them were mildly amused. When we questioned the King, he would only state, he was a little annoyed but he may take up bowling sometime in the future but the throne room will return to its original purpose.
    When asked why The Tasteful Shakers chose to redecorated that particular room with that particular theme, Moran said that was what the room should be used for plus the high ceiling made bowling very pleasing. The King did not press charges but Kooky Moran was taken to the palace and locked in the royal basement. No word yet as to his release but our source had confirmed the King will release Moran later this month since Moran is the King's wife's sister's husband's uncle's daughter's grandson. No word yet which room Kooky Moran will redecorate once he get out.

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