Drama, Please! Fun translations from youtube videos

I have watched a lot of mini Chinese tv dramas, sometimes call shorts as they are short shows that are a few minutes long for each episode but they are combined into long movies. Some of these does fall into the trap of 'no logic dramas' but still kind of entertaining. But these shows have atrocious English subtitles which I believe are auto-translated or machine translated according to the sounds of the actors' voices. This means there were a lot of awkward, amusing, inaccurate use of the English language. Here are some amusing translated titles, character names and dialogues.

Some amusing titles:
(Most of these shows have no titles but they have synopsis for a title.)

01 - For the sake of mother, marry a vegetable

02 - The genius Cinderella and the strangely ill CEO kissed and fell in love in the toilet

03 - After my rebirth, I married my ex-third uncle!

04 - Five babies fell from the sky, CEO daddy, we found you!

05 - My husband is too dangerous! The cold-faced general begs for stickers every day after marriage

06 - Madam, the president is pretending to be lame again!

07 - Divorced the president and green tea made things difficult for me...

08 - A billionaire live streaming expert returns to his hometown, but is called a young lady?

09 - Contractual flash marriage, please queue when the president chases his wife

10 - The boy who secretly loves himself is the CEO

11 - The amnesiac tyrant's powerful strategy for innocent female stars

Thursday Thirteen: Some favorite quotes

Here are some of my favorite amusing, serious, dumb, smart, honest and intriguing quotes/passages from books I read, shows and movies I watched and anywhere else I read from. Visit other people's list at Thursday Thirteen here.

01 - "Truth, however bitter, can be accepted, and woven into a design for living."
-  The Hollow by Agatha Christie

02 - "Which comes first yesterday or tomorrow? All we know is that what we think of as past, present and future is nothing more than a story stitched together in our basal ganglia. Our entire concept of time is an artificial construct."
- from the tv show Perception

03 - “I personally believe we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.”
- The Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe by Jane Wagner
 
04 - Two Girls: "How do you call yourself?"
Poirot: "Hercule Poirot."
Two Girls: "That's not a name, that's a noise."
- from the tv show Agatha Christie's Poirot

05 - "I don't obsess. I think, intensely."
- from the tv show Charmed, original version

06 - "I win not because I am a woman, because I am the boss."
- from the tv show The Six Million Dollar Man

07 - "For future reference: When I say I agree with you, it means I'm not listening."
- from the tv show Elementary

08 - “I wasn’t meant for reality, but life came and found me.”
- The Book of Disquiet by Fernando Pessoa

09 - "When did we became adults? Even though we age, we still get flustered. We are still immature, we don't know much and we make a lot of mistakes. There are no adults in the world. Just children with wrinkles."
- from the Korean tv series, I do, I do

10 - “We had our breakfasts — whatever happens in a house, robbery or murder, it doesn't matter, you must have your breakfast.”
- The Moonstone by Wilkie Collins

11 - "I have no idea what I'm doing, but I know I'm doing it really well."
- from the tv show Parks and Recreation

12 - "When you're young you got time
When you're old, you've built a life
In between you're just along for the ride
Nothing's in a straight line
Like the wrinkles on your eyes
Try to take it one candle at a time
When we turn 96
With a smile on our lips
I'll have nothing left to wish"
- lyrics from Pictures by Matt Nathanson from the album Boston Accent

13 - "Everything ends, and it's always sad. But everything begins again too, and that's... always happy. Be happy."
- from the tv show Doctor Who