Retro Minute #9: Emergency instructions for managing your anger

To sort of celebrate 18 years of blogging, I'm sharing 18 of my favorite posts from previous blogs. Here's the ninth post from November 2012 from Don't rain on Mondays blog.

Emergency instructions for managing your anger
This was written for Alphabe-Thursday for the letter E and it was hosted by Jenny Matlock over here.

For the Pessimist
01: Take a timeout to think of who to blame
02: Once you're calm, express your anger by cursing everything & everyone near you
03: Get some exercise by drinking alcohol and getting into fights
04: Think before you speak but do it very loudly
05: Identify possible solutions by picking out who to blame
06: Stick with 'I' statements and tell those suckers where to stick their I's, P's & Q's
07: Don't hold a grudge on the inside, do it on the outside by treating everyone like crap
08: Use humor to release tension by laughing at everyone
09: Practice relaxation skills by punching pillows and throwing inexpensive stuff
10: Know when to seek help so someday you can give real names to the police for who's really responsible for your angry-crime-filled rampage

OPTIONAL:
11: Forget all of the above and just freak out & throw stuff

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For the Optimist
01: Take a timeout to remind yourself it's nothing you can't handle
02: Once you're calm, express your anger by being positive
03: Get some exercise by taking a walk with an enthusiastic mindset
04: Think positively before you speak
05: Identify possible solutions by picking out who to laugh with
06: Stick with 'I' statements and tell those around you that you're alright
07: Don't hold a grudge on the inside, do it on the outside by doing things that clogs your mind so you can't think of anything negative
08: Use humor to release tension by laughing at yourself
09: Practice relaxation skills by going kite flying and thinking positively
10: Know when to seek help but it's nothing to worry about

OPTIONAL:
11: Forget all of the above and just keep calm and think positive

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Note: The above is just for fun and not meant to be taken seriously. The Mayo Clinic has the real list over here.