Life advices from Mory (300th Post)

This post you're reading is the 300th published post. At least, according to my Blogger dashboard. I'm too lazy to do anything to celebrate except to mention it here.
   So here's the 300th post which I might have posted before but I can't remember. I saved a lot of drafts and then forget which ones are the final versions. At least, I re-edited it so it's not exactly the same. I was going to post a fiction piece but decided this 300th post should be amusing, at least, I find amusing.

This is not Mory, it's a recreation of what he might looked like in his natural state.

Life advices from Mory (an imaginary creation living in the basement of someone's blog)
Today, please welcome back Mory. Mory is the manifestation or perhaps infestation (I heard that! from Mory) of my previous blog The Memory of Rain (name comes from the last four letters of memory). No one knows how his existence come about nor how to get rid of him but nonetheless, he is here and we have signed an agreement not to kick him out for several hours. He is also here to promote his book, "Mory's rules for selfish living and other inappropriate advices." But first, here are some useful advices (or useless advices, depending how you look at it but take them with a pound of sugar as they are quite bitter) on life and whatever wisdom he wishes to depart.

01 - Just be yourself (with some adaptation) — Even if that self is a selfish, ninja cat loving being who pretty much lives off other people. Most people don't know but we imaginary creatures, are resilient and we can adapt to any changes on or around us. Take me, for instance, I'm still here even when my creator abandoned me for other great adventures. I've not changed over the years, no, I have adapted. I've enjoyed my existence ever since I've learned to adapt. So you too should learn to adapt or die! But let's not get dramatic unless it's necessary.

02 - Don't be stupid — No one likes a stupid guy who can't hold a conversation even if that conversation is about wallpaper. Just accept that sometimes you have to use your brain and to do that, you have to get educated. You don't want to be like my uncle Sissy. Every time someone ask him a question he doesn't know the answer to, he sticks his head in the oven which makes his life very inconvenient since he have to carry the oven around with him all the time. Education is the key to staying alive, people! Or just read a book.

03 - Never do anything you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics or the police or a priest or (gasps!) your mother — Yep, good advice, got it from a road sign. If you want to embarrass yourself, go ahead but you will have to explain it to someone sooner and later. It's much better to go to jail for a crime that isn't embarrassing, don't you think?

04 - Make decisions when you're angry — Really, this is the time when you truly know what you really want in life. Take my cousin Jess. When his parents told him he couldn't have a party for his tenth day of keeping a job, he got angry and set the house on fire but thankfully, no one was hurt but Jess realized he truly wanted to be a fire-starter but of course, it's frown upon but at least he knows where his passion lies though they are keeping him locked up just in case. Know that anger is a great trigger for your true feelings.

05 - Go crazy if you want to — You'll never get another chance at it so you might as well go nuts. Just don't buy nuts from other nuts, is what I'm saying.

06 - If you can't do something, give it up — There's no point in doing something you can't do. Waste your time with something more productive like napping or reading ninja cat adventure books.

07 - Never ignore the urge to nap — One must preserve one's good habit or else forget how to do it. So nap on.

08 - When you have an impossible dream, let it go — No, seriously, if you think you can be a superhero or some great humanitarian, let it go. Your dreams are meaningless since you can't get them to come true. Face reality. It's better to take a nap and dream pleasant things than to try to fulfill hopeless endeavors.

09 - Don't exert yourself. Whatever you do, give it 70% or less — No one's going know the difference. Heck, try 60%, I doubt anyone would notice. If anyone gives you a hard time for not doing your best, point it out to them that they have never told you to do anything at 100%. Plus, humans are just as lazy as the rest of us. They too sometimes only do 50%, it's just that no one has complained about them.

10 - Keep on moving — No use dwelling on unhappy or stupid things or keep them inside. And if you do, you'll swell up like my cousin Beth. They still haven't been able to get her down from the sky but they have gotten her tied down so she won't go anywhere unless a hurricane or tornado knocks her down.

11 - Make yourself happy — It's hard to please others so you might as well please yourself and sometimes that's hard too but give it a try.

12 - Waste time, they will never come again — No, seriously, time just passes by without you exerting yourself so waste the time and maybe try to enjoy it.

13 - A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a vacation — Yes, it does. I mean, if you haven't vacationed, then how do you know you can go the thousand miles?

Well, there you go. Some advices from Mory. Sad news - we just heard from Mory that his book, "Mory's rules for selfish living and other inappropriate advices" will not be published and his publisher had returned the manuscript. But Mory is still hopeful. If you want to support him, send him some food but since he have no address, he said to just take a 15-second nap as a tribute to him. Just think of him before your nap and he gets a burst of energy which gives him the will to live longer. Mory wishes everyone a good day and hope you don't forget to keep living.